The past, ah my old foe, you keep revisiting me and for the longest time I have turned my back on you and ignored what you were saying. Most of the time my past tries to remind me that I was not a very good person, that I made a ton of mistakes, and that there were some people in my life that I would like to not remember let alone give any brain power to. However, for reasons unknown to me, this past kept revisiting me.
I am a Christian, and we are taught through the bible that once you have accepted Jesus’ salvation that He has forgiven your sins, and have removed them from His sight as far as the “East is from the West.” But what it doesn’t say and every Christian out there can attest to, is that while Jesus and God may no longer remember it, we humans are perfectly capable to recall and mull over our own mistakes. Granted we are warned that the “enemy” meaning Satan, and his minions, are ever there to remind us as well.
But there are times, that after we have fought those battles of our past, find peace through the Lord, that occasionally there are pieces of us from those battles that still might need healing. These are the bits that when the past revisits all those years later, that it might not be you remembering these, it might not be the enemy, but yes the Lord trying to get your attention to something that has been needing some of His healing touch.
The Lord is a gentleman, and takes time to go over the issues, we all face, that He gently tugs at our hearts to convict us to change. Perhaps there is a reason why you act the way you do, I know I do. I act a certain way because either I was hurt and reacted originally a certain way to protect myself and come to find out that the reaction can hurt in return. The Lord knows all of this and since each of us are unique with how we handle change, He in turn works with us, knowing we are “made of dust.”
Let me be clear about something, since I want to stress this point. I am not suggesting that God will change Himself for us, but that like a teacher will change an approach to a child to teach a lesson, so does God with us. The message is still the same, His message will always be the same, but the delivery is changed for us to help us hear it.
This is what was revealed to me when it came to my past. I didn’t understand why after all these years I was fixated on a piece of my past, that I had found forgiveness for and had peace. Why was it that it kept coming back? What was that it wouldn’t let its hold off of me? Actually I was asking the wrong question. I should have been asking, “Lord, what is it you want me to see?”
When I finally asked that question, the Lord revealed to me that the reason why I was fixated wasn’t because of a person, lack of forgiveness, or even that I had forsaken peace. It was to teach me that I had an issue with rejection. That when I am rejected that a part of me sort of obsesses about it and then this unhealthy cycle happens where I try on my own accord to fix myself of these issues.
Now some are stronger than me and when it comes to fixing an issue in their life, find it not so much a challenge. I am not a strong person. Physically and emotionally I have struggled since I was really young. So change for me is difficult, sometimes outright scary, and I fight against it with my whole being.
So when it comes to changes, I know for myself, I know who has made them, and thankfully the Lord is much stronger than any man, than me, will ever be.
I am a work in progress and know that just like an artist the Lord works His canvas with love and care. Sometimes His painting may get smeared but He will repaint over it with His forgiveness and paints on what ever masterpiece He believes me to be.
So if you have found the Lord, have gained His forgiveness, found peace with your past, and whatever ever reason it is revisiting you. Ask the Lord, “What is it You want me to see?” And you too could have revealed to you something to help you grow.
The past can be scary, without the Lord’s light, but with Him guiding it can help heal an old wound.
Blessings.
Sweet Life at 36 