Life at Home With Kids

When I envisioned becoming a parent, I had the Leave It To Beaver scenario playing in my brain. I imagined I would be like June Cleaver and stay at home with a pristine cleaned home. Have dinner ready on the table as my husband walked in the door, my children would be neatly dressed with clean clothing, I myself would be the picture of what a perfect stay at home parent is to represent. No sweat pants, hair neatly done, even makeup to make myself feel and look better. Then I actually had children. All the old movies and TV series I watched growing up with my Mom, went out the window when I realized for the first time that children are not programmed with a schedule, they do not arrive in this world well-behaved, and that I was going to have to be a parent and not expect so much out of my newborn and children in general.

When I was pregnant with my first child I read the What To Expect When Expecting book at least four times, it does give a realistic view on how things will feel, what you might experience, and after delivery how a baby will not understand the meaning of night and day. Eventually the baby’s schedules and your schedule sync up but it takes time it stated but for a time it would be most likely that the baby would want to eat and interact with people during the most ungodly hours. Okay ungodly hours is not mentioned in the book I read, perhaps the newer versions have it, but the authors should have put that in there.

When my first child was born, he really did want to interact, eat, need a change of diapers at the most tiring and ungodly hours (definition of ungodly hours is around 2-5am for those whom may be wondering). I have never been a morning person, but after having my first-born I had to learn how to wake up, take care of another human being, and be responsible for the love and care of that tiny child. It wasn’t easy. Thankfully I had my Mom, little brother, my now ex-husband (for a very short time) to help with the first few weeks.

Then I had to fly back to my husband, we lived on one of the Aleutian islands and there were no hospitals so flying to be with family was pretty normal, and found that living with a small baby and trying to make the perfect home, be the perfect mom and wife just was not going to happen. My sister had warned me about having high expectations going into this and I laughed saying I would be different. She shook her head and laughed knowing far more and being far wiser than me.

As my child grew, he had an abundance of toys and books that always seemed to end up in the oddest places. In the cupboards where I kept my pots and pans, in the bathtub, in my dresser. I also found that my resolve was diminishing and that I no longer felt the desire to always keep a perfect house, though my ex-husband did expect as much from me. Needless to say my relationship status changed and then I became a single mom.

I moved back to Wyoming, where my family lived. My parents helped me by allowing my son and myself to move in until I could get us a place and have an income to sustain us. I looked for work, put my son into daycare, and did what any parent finding that their situation has changed will do to make things work. Life seemed like it marched on. My son got bigger, I started dating, then engaged, and then remarried.

My husband and I had family come together to make our wedding special and affordable. Guests came from all over, we said our vows and became a family once more. Soon after we found we would be expecting another arrival. A little girl to add to the family tree, granted she wanted to make an early appearance and I had to take medicine to keep her there, but she arrived none the less healthy. After she was born we honestly thought that would be our family, then lo and behold, surprise I was pregnant! A boy arrived in the usual fashion and by this time, I no longer had the June Cleaver scenario playing in my mind. I had survival mode in full gear!

By this time, if the house wasn’t perfect, oh well. If the kids were clothed in day old clothing, as long as it wasn’t stained, then they were perfectly fine. As for me, if I somehow had managed to get a shower that day I was doing pretty good, if I somehow managed to get something on other than sweatpants, it was a spectacular day, and if I somehow was able to apply makeup and look nice when my husband came home than the kids were at the grandparents house and it was a rare evening of alone time for my husband and I.

Today all my children are 14, 10, and 8. No longer babies. No longer needing me at the ungodly hours. No longer do they reach up for me with their little chubby hands and squeal “Mommy” when I walk into the room. No my children are at the age where they want to be more independent and start learning how to do things themselves. Today, I taught my youngest how to safely chop vegetables and how to add spices to tomato sauce for spaghetti. No my children are at the age of being their own person, having their own wants and desires and personalities.

These days I keep house better than I did when they were younger but the awesome thing is they can help. They now help pick up their toys, put away their clothes, put away dirty dishes, and take out the trash. While I miss the days of when they were babies, I am grateful and blessed to know them as they are now. For I have found that they are some pretty amazing individuals. Now all my husband and I have to do is survive the teenage years.

Pray for us.

When the Past Keeps Coming Up, Take A Step Back, and Look

The past, ah my old foe, you keep revisiting me and for the longest time I have turned my back on you and ignored what you were saying.  Most of the time my past tries to remind me that I was not a very good person, that I made a ton of mistakes, and that there were some people in my life that I would like to not remember let alone give any brain power to.  However, for reasons unknown to me, this past kept revisiting me.

I am a Christian, and we are taught through the bible that once you have accepted Jesus’ salvation that He has forgiven your sins, and have removed them from His sight as far as the “East is from the West.”  But what it doesn’t say and every Christian out there can attest to, is that while Jesus and God may no longer remember it, we humans are perfectly capable to recall and mull over our own mistakes.  Granted we are warned that the “enemy” meaning Satan, and his minions, are ever there to remind us as well.

But there are times, that after we have fought those battles of our past, find peace through the Lord, that occasionally there are pieces of us from those battles that still might need healing.  These are the bits that when the past revisits all those years later, that it might not be you remembering these, it might not be the enemy, but yes the Lord trying to get your attention to something that has been needing some of His healing touch.

The Lord is a gentleman, and takes time to go over the issues, we all face, that He gently tugs at our hearts to convict us to change.  Perhaps there is a reason why you act the way you do, I know I do.  I act a certain way because either I was hurt and reacted originally a certain way to protect myself and come to find out that the reaction can hurt in return.  The Lord knows all of this and since each of us are unique with how we handle change, He in turn works with us, knowing we are “made of dust.”

Let me be clear about something, since I want to stress this point.  I am not suggesting that God will change Himself for us, but that like a teacher will change an approach to a child to teach a lesson, so does God with us.  The message is still the same, His message will always be the same, but the delivery is changed for us to help us hear it.

This is what was revealed to me when it came to my past.  I didn’t understand why after all these years I was fixated on a piece of my past, that I had found forgiveness for and had peace.  Why was it that it kept coming back?  What was that it wouldn’t let its hold off of me?  Actually I was asking the wrong question.  I should have been asking, “Lord, what is it you want me to see?”

When I finally asked that question, the Lord revealed to me that the reason why I was fixated wasn’t because of a person, lack of forgiveness, or even that I had forsaken peace.  It was to teach me that I had an issue with rejection.  That when I am rejected that a part of me sort of obsesses about it and then this unhealthy cycle happens where I try on my own accord to fix myself of these issues.

Now some are stronger than me and when it comes to fixing an issue in their life, find it not so much a challenge. I am not a strong person.  Physically and emotionally I have struggled since I was really young.  So change for me is difficult, sometimes outright scary, and I fight against it with my whole being.

So when it comes to changes, I know for myself, I know who has made them, and thankfully the Lord is much stronger than any man, than me, will ever be.

I am a work in progress and know that just like an artist the Lord works His canvas with love and care.  Sometimes His painting may get smeared but He will repaint over it with His forgiveness and paints on what ever masterpiece He believes me to be.

So if you have found the Lord, have gained His forgiveness, found peace with your past, and whatever ever reason it is revisiting you.  Ask the Lord, “What is it You want me to see?” And you too could have revealed to you something to help you grow.

The past can be scary, without the Lord’s light, but with Him guiding it can help heal an old wound.

Blessings.

Being An Adult Is Overrated

There are days I find that completely overwhelm me with all the responsibilities of being an adult require. There are days when I want to hang a sign up that says, “If you need me I will be coloring in my coloring book underneath my blanket fort.”

I remember when I was a much younger age how I wished to grow faster.  Oh how I wished, to be an adult so I could stay up late, eat more chocolate, not have to listen to what anyone else told me to do, and that I could live my life carefree.  Then I became an adult and now I wish how I wish I could enjoy the innocence of childhood once more.

Laughingly both my husband and I tease our children and say to them we would gladly take their place at school and they could take our place running the household, go to work, and take care of all the bills that keep us in this lovely home.  They always remark back to us that we are too old, or too big (since they are in elementary school), and that neither my husband or I could possibly fit in any of their clothes as a disguise.  We all laugh and agree that it wouldn’t most likely not work and go about our business as usual.

Every time this comment is brought up to our children, I look and see how quickly they are growing and I long for them to stay small just a bit longer.  I selfishly desire my children to stay children for as long as they can possibly manage.  Our teenager is already talking about driving, and he has only a few short years before this happens.  I know this process will happen but I begin to tear up thinking about it.

Some day my children will understand why I always say to them to enjoy being a child.  For now, I get to enjoy several childhoods through them.  I get to hear them pretend with their friends, go on imaginary adventures, and play outside.  I see the smile on their faces, and hear the giggles fill the air when something really makes them laugh.  And if I am really lucky, they will invite me to go on these adventures with them.

 

Count Your Blessings and Not Your Sorrows

Today has been one of those days, that has made me look at my choices of why I am doing what I am doing and just ask, “why?” Lately, I find myself asking this question more and more and today that still quiet voice reminded me ,”Count your blessings and not your sorrows.”

Finding the blessings in each day has been almost a game. I count anything really, it doesn’t have to be over the top, spectacular, or even profound – just something that made me smile or made someone else smile.

So the blessings for today are:

1) I’m still breathing. Given another day to help out my family and love them with all that I am.

2) The sun. I get to take my children to school around the time of Sunrise and get to marvel at all the beauty it contains. Then when I’m on my way to work, I get to marvel at the sunset. God truly is an artist with a paintbrush in the sky, painting a masterpiece each day.

3) I get hugs and kisses from my children. I treasure these as I know someday too soon these will fade but for now I am enjoying the extra hugs and little butterfly kisses on my check when my children want to give them.

4) I get some pretty great hugs and kisses from my sweety. Having a partner in this life that I can trust and know that he has my back is priceless. The kids will grow and live their own lives but, if God willing, we get to grow old together than this man will be with me. That is pretty special.

5) My cat licks my toes when I come home. I know this one is weird and I must admit I’ve never had a cat lick my toes or feet like this one does. I believe the poor thing is slightly confused as what a cat is suppose to be but I find the act still enduring and he gets extra loves from me.

6) We have Oreo cookies and milk. Sometimes the best things are simple and this combination always made me smile when I was a kid. I would always eat the filling out first and then save the cookie to dunk in the milk last. The purist out there I’m sure will tell me I do it incorrectly but boy oh boy do these taste good.

7) Today I saw a cardinal a brilliant red one and his female companion. Looks like Spring is in the air and the birds are getting ready for new families. I love hearing the birds and seeing the many varieties out there. Such winged beauty is all around us and I live in a place where I can see so many.

8) I was able to cook dinner and sit with my family before I had to rush off to work. Granted it was a very simple meal and my youngest helped make it. He was so proud to say, “I made dinner and I love it.” He’s going to be 7 soon and wants to do more big boy chores. So he helped make mac-n-cheese while I cooked burger. He picked out the vegetable, carrots his favorite, and put them in the microwave to warm up. I am a proud Mama and am glad he’s growing into such a wonderful young man.

9) There was a song in my heart tonight, You Are An Overcomer, by a Christian artist I listen to on Air One. This helped me tonight cleaning up the nasty things I find and helped me get finished.

10) I have some quiet time. While I miss my family during the hectic evening hours when everyone is getting themselves ready for bed and my husband who loves to watch his programs and talk about different parts of his day, I must admit that this quiet I get when I get home is wonderful. I can think of all the different things that need to get done without interruption.

So these are my blessings and listing them out has made me almost forget the sorrows. I hope that who ever you are that you have your own list that you can make and you too can feel blessed instead of sorrow.

Where has the time gone?

My husband and I love being a parents, it has been wonderful seeing our children grow into the people they are becoming.  Each as unique, wonderful, and challenging in their own right.  Never would we have imagine the joy, and frustration, of raising these precious treasures.

Being a parent is a tough job, long hours, no benefits (except for lots of hugs and kisses) and very little sleep.  Even now when they are not babies, I find myself laying awake if they are sick, checking in on them to make sure they are okay, asking myself where has the time gone? I haven’t even gotten to the point of them being out all night with their friends, or driving a car by themselves part.  Who knows if I will ever sleep again.

In a few short years, my oldest child, now in middle school, will be out of high school and into college.  Long before I am ready, I am certain of this.  This alone could grey my hair even more, but as my precious children remind me it is all part of the process of them growing.

However each time I look at my children, I see the little infant I held in my arms just moments after they were born.  I see them as toddlers, taking those first unsteady steps, and saying their first words. I see them learning to ride a bike for the first time, and how scared I felt as they peddled away on their own. It is very difficult for me to process that these children have grown almost as tall as I am and are becoming young adults right before my eyes.

Where has the time gone?  Too quickly by my standards, and lost forever once gone.  Oh, those times I was so frustrated I could have pulled my hair out, I wish now I could gain some of that time back again.

I can not predict the future, but I pray and hope that each child grows into a responsible, loving, successful adult.  For now I will not focus too much on the past, as I can find myself doing too much already, but focus on now in the moment.  Because before I know it, this too shall just be a memory.

And once again I will be asking myself  “Where has the time gone?”